It'll be alright..

If no one holds you through the night

Wrap your own arms around you child

squeeze out the loneliness with all your might

And tell yourself it'll be alright ….

When there's no one around to show the way

Look inside you and hear your heart say

Tomorrow will bring a bright new day

And if you believe It'll be okay….



When things don't turn out the way they should

When nothing turns out how you hoped it would

Tell your self you gave it all you could

And tomorrow it'll all be good…

You want to break free, but don’t know how

Pull your head back and your chin above

The light will shine only if you allow

And everything will be okay now….



When you're alone n scared, it's the darkest night

Wrap your arms around you and squeeze dear child

Stare at the stars that shine so bright..

And you'll know, it'll be alright…

Song and dance

A song is but a dance of emotions, dressed up in a costume of sound waves that are vibrating and waltzing. It starts in my mind and ends in yours. Its the mind's dance

A dance is but a melodious symphony of heart beats and footsteps, a song that the heart sings to convey how it feels. The heart's song.

Inner Smile- when the force is strong.

When the force is strong in you, everything is magical. Life becomes like your birthday mornings as a kid, when you woke and walked about in an assured anticipation of the wonderful birthday gifts you would chance upon all day. When you meet your parents first, maybe arranged around your bed room when you opened your eyes so you wait just a few moments to open your eyes after you wake just to prepare your self for something fantastic. Most often there's nothing, the gifts you get at the end of the day were nowhere near your fantasy in numbers and magnificence but nonetheless you sleep with a inner smile because it was the beautiful tingly anticipation of wonderfulness you carried all day at the base of your stomach that was the real present the day had bestowed.

My day is speckled with magical moments that sneak upon me just as a sigh of wonder escapes my soul about the connection that warms me as it glows stronger. The universe is breathing in my being and I sit in its lap. What I feel inside is reflected in everything around me, suddenly songs that verbalize the very same thought, sometimes word to word that is dancing in my mind. Stars shine brighter, strangers smile at you, the weather changes to reflect your moods and you meet the kind of people you would have handpicked to live in your self designed, custom made world.

It reminds you that in nature time exists as moments. Nature doesn't care about seconds and minutes and hours or even days. Nature lives time in moments. It rained this evening, that was a moment. It’s the full moon today that is a moment. There are a lot of emotional moments, and those are the units of natural time, everything in between two moments is a wait, a bittersweet anticipation. Living in the city one gets so hypnotized by keeping track of the seconds, the minutes, the hour and the rest that we don't even notice the moments. We do notice the big ones. Like a first kiss, or a promotion or a lovely meeting. But the smaller more dense ones- the seconds of nature time, that are much more lighter but more frequent.

 The little moments that just blow the idea of the promises of the bigger moments. These beautiful pearls go unnoticed like cheap plastic beads in a noisy mela (fair). It envelops everybody in the city like the pollution that has infiltrated our air so deeply that we have even stopped noticing. The jadedness and grease that covers coat by coat the soft heart of a conscious soul living in a world where the humm of the city with its trucks and zooming cars and blaring television sets completely deafens the tinkling footsteps and the soft knocks of the beautiful moments that make each day. Hearing your thoughts in a random conversation at the table next to you, an auto driver humming the song that you were trying to remember all day, the sweet knowing smiles of complete strangers in a café, the lines in the book you are reading talking about your situation in a psychic sort of way. Jokes you can share with no one but yourself, that inner smile. All goes unnoticed when living in the over-stimulated life in the city. Yet, like cheap crack, it has an evil, masochistic hold on you that you know is killing you but you can't let it go.

It breathes in you

The breath of life

Dances with you

Notes and light

You open your eyes

In innocent wonder

And a glowing smile

As you say surrender

And raise your arms high

And if right now was time to die

You'd do it without a sigh.

Day 2 in kasol, the home of malana cream, Manali.

It all seems so simple, when one wakes up in wooden cabin with windows all around, opening your eyes first time in the morning to fully drawn curtains. This would normally irritate me in the city, but when the first glimpse of the morning is the earth in full glory, tall pine trees framing one of the highest spots in the world, snow colored and blanketed in clouds instead of the ugly box buildings clouded in city smog, one can only burst into an inner smile. In Kasol the sun does not slap u wake you awake and yell at you to get ready- the race starts in 15 minutes, rather it kisses you gently on the eyelids and then stand with open arms inviting you to its warm embrace. It is not a feeling of awe that natures' architecture inspires in you, unlike the architects of urban wonder cities, rather a sense of deep comfort and belonging like you are where you were meant to be.

It should be a simple choice to make, just saying bye-bye to the pretentious, unnecessarily complicated city life, get out of the race and back to life. Why then does one not make that choice? There is a sense of hesitation, pulling me back and I don’t know what it is. Could it be the "impossible dream" that was sneakily woven into the DNA of all us city dwellers, while being born in the swanky city hospitals? Like a magnetic chip that doesn’t let you get away? I think I've heard of something like that pet owners use to make sure their pets do not wander too far astray.

Going for a walk to Chalal (a small riverside village near Kasol, Manali)…come back and update…

I'm back and it was an easy, beautiful riverside, pine covered walk to a village called Chalal that’s across the river from Kasol. It’s a good walk for acclimatization, the kind that just warms up your lungs and muscles for the longer walks to Rashol, Malana or Tosh you will make if you're here for a bit. But for me it was more than that. I had to go and see some people I met in December, when I just came for a few days to meet my lovely friend Ankur (whom I visited a while ago while he did his 7 month stint at living here in the mountains). After his return to the city he missed all the friends he had made here and told me to go say hello from him. So on my walk I'm thinking about the last time I walked that path, crossed the wobbly wooden bridge, saw that house with a dog was just 3 months ago but it was so different. Winters freeze everything for me, Although I like the sense of feeling cold as compared to that of the terrible heat the rest of the year, there is something about cold that shrinks me up from inside. For this reason I always assumed I would love the sea more, and so never really travelled very often to the mountains. This experience however, changes everything. Life couldn't be simpler than what we see here without getting monotonous, and life just couldn't get more beautiful than this without getting plastic.

So in these thoughts I walked and saw the signboard of the place I was supposed to meet Noam, who left before me and had a friend who ran this café. A beautiful halt…a shanti chillum with some nice masala chai and perfect sunlight on my face. Anyway after this it was a shock that jolted me out of the beautiful daze I was drifting in, by a glimpse of foolish ugliness that I realized has also infected these lovely mountain dwelling locals, the city is reaching for them. One minute I felt like I truly could belong here, and the second it made me an alien. The brilliant company blunted the jolt though and some real conversation over chai, food, joints on the walk back made it a lovely day in a very satisfying way. Its not even over, the evening awaits, nothing to do but watch some TV, breathe in the fresh air, smoke some joints and explore the realms of one's own mind and of each other.

day 1 in Kasol, the weed covered mountains of Manali

Such a beautiful moment that never occurred before but had always lingered in your mind as a tingling possibility. A feeling you knew must exist but never felt just bursts upon you like an unexpected water balloon in the hot summer days preceding the monsoon in delhi, and all you can say……is……nothing…..

Aaah perfection is a feeling and not quality, and like a lot of things it can only be felt and not explained.

Mind games ( that I play with my self)

Hazy shadows haunt
Refuse to take form
They linger and they taunt
And defy all norms

Reality shatters into
Countless tiny beads
Future comes to view
As minute sprouting seeds

Clarity incessantly evades
A game of hide and seek
Only confusion pervades
An overpowering reek

I meet me on the rainbow
Walking upside down
Its colours ooze and flow
Like the tears of a clown

I struggle to keep pace
With this untameable mind
Sweat lining my face
I always fall behind..

A parting kiss.

God's Debris, floating in space

passing comets, an aura shared

Perpetual waiting for the unprepared

But real life seldom compares

while imagination constantly dares

And the mind just warningly glares



And when its time, time evaporates

We peep into our mind gates

and percipience rudely states

But the heart incessantly debates

Of chances and risks, destiny and fates.

While the mind sublimates, the soul elevates.



Your hands whisper in my ear

So far away, but it seems so near.

and there goes a solitary tear

eternal search endless fear.

a mind so complex,words so sheer.



And when its time to depart

A little piece of my heart

I'll leave in a corner under your bed

but make mine whole with yours instead

A parting kiss, a drifting caress

And unspoken words, I could not express

An eternal prayer, a constant wish

for smiles and grins and unceasing bliss.

'A Moment' with Freshdew Morning

"You know Moonlight; this is what I love the most about you, it's impossible to get bored around you. There's always something interesting to talk about , and I thought there was no girl I wouldn't eventually get bored of talking to", Freshdew Morning said.

"Well technically, we don't know what will happen eventually, till eventually comes right? So you never know, maybe eventually you will get bored of my talks. Maybe someday, they might sound like the annoying cacophony of a show off frog, croaking outside your window endlessly, while you're trying to sleep" I had nonchalantly replied, smoking a joint.

“Yeah, maybe you're right" he replied.

My attention was suddenly distracted from the joint; I turned my head to face him, first time in the last 30 minutes. My forehead frowns, my eyebrows raise a question.
He holds the serious gaze for exactly 10 seconds, before he breaks into his trademark grin, with which he always disarms me. I smile slightly embarrassed at my reaction 10 seconds ago.

"You are one constantly engaging girl, you are like a layered mystery novel, and every time I see you I discover something inside you, which I never saw before. How can a boy have enough of such a beautiful mystery ", He sighs exaggeratedly.

"Ditto" I winked, "I learnt you are a mighty smooth talker, what did you unravel about me", I mockingly challenged him.

"I know that although you like to be thought of this really tough, invulnerable girl, who doesn't give a fuck, but that’s just an armor you wear. A cleverly designed image to conceal the softer, more delicate, more vulnerable you, out of the general view", he said as he scanned my eyes for an answer. "Only, I want to know why".

I turn away my eyes, start smoking the joint again and smile wryly. " You know how everyone wear helmets to save their heads, sunscreen to save their skins and bulletproof vests to save their lives”, I ask.

He nods, his eyes pose a question.

“Well, I don't wear any of those, but I do wear my mask to save my soul", I replied.

"I bow down to you, my queen of tangential analogies, but kindly elaborate- in simpler terms. Save your soul from what exactly"?

“To understand this, you must understand the true nature of the soul. The soul demands empathy, much like we demand oxygen or food. When it receives genuine understanding or a moment of perfect communication it grows. But it has a hunter too. Alienation, negativity and antipathy consume it, like termites. They eat it away until nothing is left of it. Now my soul has too many holes already so I like to be sure before I let someone take a glimpse. I hide her away from unsympathetic eyes". I told him, while he gently touched my face.

"I am honored to be considered worthy of that glimpse my lady, this is surely a moment", he said. His face became soft, and he leaned in to plant a gentle kiss on my cheek.

"I am glad. So is it too much to expect you to prepare and fire a chillum to celebrate this moment, good sir" I tickle him playfully.

He laughs, shakes his head and reaches for the hash. "Bloody charsi". He grins.

A hazy introduction to Moonlight (me)

Welcome to my life.
Why would you want to visit you ask? Is it one more of those boring monologues of a delusional junkie which like her delusional life is anything but interesting to a normal, well adjusted person?

Maybe. Because by the logic of your assumption I wouldn't know I was boring right?

But I will clarify that I'm not really a junkie. I could have 'junked' it out a few times, I may have part timed as a junkie but its definitely not my main job. My main job is to write, well I won't be more specific because I really haven't decided yet. I am a reluctant person by personality you may say. Reluctant because I think I have an innate commitment phobia. Some say it is the effect of the month I was born in. Maybe. I guess you can say I like the journey more than the destination, and I get an illogical reflex to run at the first hint of permanence. Good thing about a reluctant personality is that it lets me be an objective observer. You'll come to know this about me as this blog proceeds.

For some tangible details about me I'm a poetess trapped in the body of a temptress in the more relaxed side of my twenties. I have chilled out of my angst and nihilism with the world, with life, with god, with people and with myself. I have learnt to meditate, listen more than I speak, I don't always have to have the last word, the meaninglessness of life is exactly what gives meaning to our lives and some fights are just not worth fighting. I have learned slower than most people but I have learned. This is funnily a very common impression about me among the people who come close enough to really know me.

"You know strangely for a highly intelligent girl you have these random blonde moments" Existential Cocksure had said.
They all had agreed.
I had frowned.

"it’s really cute, you can be so intimidating at time that these comic reliefs are adorable. You make me smile" Cocksure explained.
They all smiled and nodded.
I smiled.

So I have these shades in my personality. Think of me like a rainbow, with all different colors standing out distinctly, yet merged together to form a beautiful arch in the sky.
Yes, but only- I have more shades than a rainbow, a lot more, and they aren't arranged so harmoniously side-by-side. My shades are more inter-tangled. Sometimes shades overlap sometimes they under-lap in a chaotic abstract painting.

This is reflected in the broad spectrum of my interests. I am passionate about a lot of things. I say passionate because it is not in my nature to just "like" something. Somewhat of an extremist, I either love or I detest. So I love books, I love playing sports, I love being right, I love movies, I love wandering, I love the outdoors, I love beaches (unlike my friends who are mountain-people), I love writing, I love poetry, I love debates (and winning them), I love music, I love drugs and I love knowing. I read incredible amount of written material. Mostly fiction (it's the most accurate description of reality) but also everything about space, psychology, philosophy, Literature, History, quantum physics, universe, spirituality, genetics, conspiracy theories, existentialism, science and astrology. Notice the various self-contradictory shades of interests, but that is because I am a very objective observer of the world. I do not make judgments neither about people nor about theories. I hear everyone's life theory (you won't believe how many amazingly interesting ones there are). Try to make no judgments by reminding myself constantly-

"Remember Moonlight, Avoid taking sides, there is NO right or wrong. Remember Hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy? We are such tiny specks in the universe that our attempt to try and solve the universal mystery is ridiculous, a theatre of the absurd. I mean We can all make guesses but your answer is as good as mine because there's no way to really demonstrate in a scientific method( which requires undeniable proof) that Darwin's Origin of species won't seem as illogical to people of the 25th century as the genesis explained in the Bible seems to us today" Relax, I'm not doing a Phoebe from F.R.I.E.N.D.S, All I'm reluctantly (being an objective, unprejudiced observer) saying is that Origin of species may seem like the ONLY explanation based on the entire present knowledge we possess. Just like God seemed like the only logical explanation based on the then present knowledge of our ancient brethren. I don't take sides, I am a curious soul so I read and research about any subject that catches my fancy till I know all there is to know about it. Until another subject attracts my attention.